Friday, February 9, 2007

He knows me best

When something happens in your life that is devastating, it can affect all facets of your existence. This subject is something I can't, won't, elaborate on and don't know that I'd ever be able to post about on the world wide web. Some things are too painful, some things we are all still grieving in our own way.

But what I always go back to, when I think of the night I got the worst call of my life and then found myself driving too fast for safety, is that I prayed for God to be my driver, to get me and my passengers to our destination safely.

And He did.

And He still is. Because the journey that follows a tragedy is not over just a few years later. I don't know when the pain will be over. In all honesty, it probably never will. I look around at pictures in my house and think of what we're missing here on earth.

I am not alone in my circle of loved ones who question God - Why did that have to happen? - We may never know the answer. But I believe when I see my loved one again, I will be in Heaven with my Heavenly Father, and none of what happened here on earth will matter. Every day, when I hit a road block, when I get angry or frustrated with the smallest and stupidest thing, I try to remember its not about what's down here.

Focus on Him.

Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. He died on the cross to bridge the huge separation between us and God that started with the first sinful act in the Garden of Eden. He made it possible for us to walk with God again one day. He made it possible for our seat in Heaven to already be secure. He wants to live through us, shine His light through us. All we have to do is have faith in Him.

I have not always been this open about my faith. I believed in Jesus, but I wasn't living for Him. I wasn't walking the walk and my poor mouth sure wasn't talking the talk. I was a walking contradiction. I'm trying to do better, be conscious of my actions because He's watching, and others who may be moved by my testimony are watching. I don't want to tarnish the kingdom by one foul word or angry action. But that realization didn't happen over night. In fact, it took about 20 years, several losses and bad occurrences later when I found myself in a place where I continued to struggle with who I was and why God placed me where he did. I eventually found my way home by opening my eyes to people who'd been there all along, who trusted so completely in Him, and through the good and bad their lives were flourishing. I want that too. So no matter what happens tomorrow, I will still believe in Him.

Nope, the good Lord does not answer my prayers in my time. If He did, my name would be on the New York Times Best Seller list and my family and I would be on a yacht somewhere in the South Pacific. My husband would have the biggest fishing boat we could find and I would write without ever stumbling over my words. But the easy road is usually not the best one.

He knows me best, just like He knows you. And I believe He won't answer my prayer if it isn't for the good of His kingdom. For that, I am so thankful.

For anyone who's struggling, who's been waiting for an answer, get on your knees, lie in the floor face down if you have to, and pour out your heart to Him. Then, trust that He hears you and will answer you. Thing is, be prepared: because the answer may surprise you.

*****Contest Question*****
Head over to my blog, find the picture of the sleeping dog and come back here to post the dog's name. Good luck!


  1. Good morning Christy,

    I believe that the dogs name is Tonka !!!


  2. Thanks, Christy, for sharing a bit of your pain and struggles. I appreciate it so much. Your lovely doggie's name (is it yours?) is Tonka.
    Gina N

  3. The sleeping beauty is Tonka.
    Thank you so much for sharing today, even though it must have been really hard. I cried tears for you as I read between the lines.
    Trust and Believing God, that's what it's all about and it sure isn't fun that we learn those things by going through the hardest times in our lives. I tell God when I'm in those time, to please help me learn that lesson or character trait good and that it stick so I don't have to learn that same one again later. Sometimes I do and other times I only think I do. I'm going through Beth Moore's Believing God study, it's good, it's life changing. This is the second time I'm going through it and it's new and fresh for where I am now in my life. God's Word is amazing! And His Love knows no bounds!
    Jennifer McLemore

  4. Her name is Tonka aka Sleeping Beauty. She's cute. :)

    Your message is a good one - I hope it touches the hearts of those who needed to read it today.

  5. Happy Friday Ladies!
    Thanks to each of you for your endearing comments.

    Jennifer, I will definitely check out Beth Moore's bible study. I heard her speak at a Kay Arthur conference I went to a few years ago and she was so motivating.

    And yes, the puppy dog is mine!

    Thanks to each of you for playing!

  6. Her name is Tonka - aka Sleeping Beauty. :) Cute dog!

    Thanks for that post Christy. Only God could know that I've been struggling this week myself - your words blessed me.


  7. Jill, A prayer of mine was answered in seeing your comment. So glad it reached you.