Friday, April 20, 2007

I AM

I've been singing the same negative song for months. I've been trying to overcome my feelings and some weeks I'm successful, but this week is proving to be one of those tough ones.

I'm a broken record. I'm rambling about the same things and NOT doing anything to change the result. I re-read blog posts of this year and while I felt a little encouraged by what I posted, I was reminded these feelings are nothing new.

A year ago, when I made the decision to move toward my dreams, to stop hiding, I was filled with all sorts of satisfaction, joy, and wonder.

I give that joy to God, because I know it's His hand in my life.

But it didn't take long for the serpent to enter my garden.

The serpent is always there, hiding, waiting for the weak moment. The serpent loves to plant seeds of doubt among my garden of blessings. Slithering through my blossoms, the serpent bends my strong peduncle until the petals of my flowering dream are withering and are crushed against the ground.

I AM NOT a prayerful listener. I AM NOT a good daughter. I AM NOT a good friend. I AM NOT a fair mother. I AM NOT a giving wife. I AM NOT a promising writer. I AM NOT an ethical employee. I AM NOT a worthy Christian.

In Exodus 3:10-14 when Moses was at the Burning Bush, and God said:
"Come now, therefore, and I will send you to Pharaoh that you may bring My people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt."
But Moses said to God, "Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?"
So He said, "I will certainly be with you. And this shall be a sign to you that I have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall serve God on this mountain."
Then Moses said to God, "Indeed, when I come to the children of Israel and say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,' and they say to me, 'What is His name?' what shall I say to them?"
And God said to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM."
And He said, "Thus you shall say to the children of Israel, "I AM has sent me to you.'"

I'm sharing this scripture today because I am searching for an answer myself. My statement above is what I hear so many times, from a small inner voice that can tear down my brave walls quicker and with more explosion than any single bomb.

In Charles F. Stanley's Life Principles Bible, his explanation of this passage seemed to relate to what I'm going through. He states for the scripture Exodus 3:11,12 - "We are qualified to do God's work, not because of our own talents or abilities or training, but because God is with us. And if He is not with us, then no amount of skill or experience will make us qualified."

And for Exodus 3:14 Dr. Stanley explains - "We serve the God who is alive, who is present, who is here right now and who gives life and breath to everything that lives. He IS, whether anything else remains or not."

The scripture above and Dr. Stanley's supplication, remind me God gave Moses a task that I'm sure he felt was insurmountable, yet he obeyed God and led the people, even when the people didn't follow him.

Sometimes I feel that even though I'm trying to obey God, no one else is. Though I'm not alone, it's easy to "think" that way.

It's easy to add the NOT behind I AM.

That little inner voice, again...
That ugly serpent slithering through my garden...

There is no NOT behind God's admission of who HE is.

Now I have to fight back. Get the NOT out of I CAN, I AM.

Are you letting the serpent slither through your garden?

Is it the serpent who is putting the NOT in your I AM?

I AM a prayerful listener. I AM a good daughter. I AM a good friend. I AM a fair mother. I AM a giving wife. I AM a promising writer. I AM an ethical employee. I AM a worthy Christian.

I AM A JOYFUL, STRUGGLING, SINFUL, LOVING, CHILD OF GOD!!!

5 comments:

  1. Christy, I know better than anyone how hard it is to shut out the words of the enemy. Just remember, what Jesus says in John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
    I was just studying this morning about how satan's words are always condemning, but God's words always come with love as He shows us how to ignore the enemy. So that we have life, and have it more abundantly :-D
    Dwell on Him sister. You're a winner.

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  2. Great post, Christy! I've always been so inspired (especially in regards to my writing) by Moses.

    I'm a firm believer in positive self talk, because I'm typically the queen of the little negative barbs about myself. It's something I have to constantly work on.

    I loved what you said, and how you changed your mantra at the end of your post. Yes, you are all of those things!!

    Missy

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  3. Christy,

    Dear sister in Christ. You are so blessed!! You are a wonderful child of God.
    And we find comfort and faithfulness in scripture. God is who He says He is---and we are who He says we are--children of Him.
    I know fighting Satan is hard....trust me I know. But turning to scripture is the way to go.

    Awesome post..great words...great reminder.
    Thank you!

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  4. Ladies, each of you have lifted me up with quoting scripture, and your kind words of support. I appreciate each of your responses, and I must admit, I smile at Lindi - we are Sisters in Christ. All 6 of us - the F.A.I.T.H. girls! Isn't HE wonderful!

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  5. Christy,
    I find myself dealing with negative emotion day in and day out because God is the creator of emotion. I found out one way of supporting all the facets of my emotions is in the Psalms. I love that book! David and the writers of the Psalms deal with every emotion. I live in some of the chapters, lol!
    I have had such issues with the pain of divorce and struggle for the relationships with my children. Sometimes it overwhelms me-the pain that my children deal with because of divorce and the mistakes of their parents. I turn to the God who knew I would have to feel these emotions. I find Him and me in the Psalms.
    Love from,
    Angie

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