Wednesday, July 16, 2008

When Your Dreams Crash

You just have to keep going until the door is shut.

I'm sure you've heard that kind of sentiment before.

Well, I think it's important to find value in what you are doing.

As Mrs. Missoula America 2008, I competed in the Mrs. Montana pageant last weekend. And sigh, I didn't win. I did take 4th Runner Up and the Crowning Touch Award for best use of my local title in community service. That's me in the middle up above.

I'm already being asked if I will run again. Truthfully, I don't know. I only ever planned to do it once. But my husband said something really wise. He looked me straight in the eye (the eyes full of dejection) and said, "Don't make any decisions tonight."

But the neatest thing has happened. When I was feeling like I'd let down all the sponsors (because I wanted to do more for them on a state and nationwide basis) other people were telling me how well I'd done and how proud they were of me.

What? But I lost.

I began soaking in all the love in the last 2 days. Some folks told me that what I did mattered. It mattered because I'd taken seriously the part about community service. Something I believe in very deeply.

Suddenly my paradigm shifted. I realized that I'd done the best I could and that there was value in the servant's attitude. Adding value to other people's lives is an incredibly rewarding opportunity.

And then again, this 44 year old grandma-to-be had some fans in the audience, lol. There was a fellow that hollered out he thought I was "hot" in my evening gown. Now, heck, do you think he knew he was yelling that at a middle-aged woman? ROFLOL! I sure don't know, but I held my chin a tad bit higher and grinned a little bigger!

Here's to all you other "hot" grandmas!!! I think it's a good thing to break the mold now and then :-D

Now I still don't know how I feel about running again. Time will tell. But I've stopped beating myself up over it and begun to acknowledge my purpose is to add value to the people I have the joy and opportunity to connect with each day. My purpose is not to just be another gal with a title. So if I do run again, you can be sure it will be for a purpose and not for the fun of it. Life is already fun. I want to cause the world around me to be a better place before I'm called home.

This week is all about refocus for me. It's time to reestablish my goals and purpose and stop getting side-tracked with an over-booked schedule. I have books to write and talks to give.

When your dreams crash, does it help you to clarify purpose?

Do you allow yourself time to grieve over the lost dream?

Do you soak in the love and encouragement of the people around you or do you push them away?

For more about my experience in pageantry, please visit the posts on God Uses Broken Vessels

Let me tell you, this weekend I felt like a broken vessel. I honestly thought I'd been called to become Mrs. Montana. I wasn't. I was simply called to the experience. Who knows what will come from it? I'm remembering Romans 8:28 right now. "All things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose."

So yes, I believe there was/is a purpose in what I do every day whether it is my definition of success or something God has in store for me that will rise from the disappointment. I have had the times when my disappointment turned to joy and thankfulness that something went a different way than I originally wanted. If I believe the verse above, then so will this.

Now I'm ready for the adventure. Now I want to see the wonderful thing God has planned to make this time of my life work together for good. Now I'm open to whatever direction He wants me to go. Hmm, I wonder if that's part of His plan too?

Is it possible that disappointment will lead to a joyful adventure for you?

The anticipation...



  1. What a wonderful post! I think you did very well. Even being in this pageant was quite an honor, and you placed! Whooo hooo! Congratulations!

  2. As writers, I think our dreams crash every time we find a rejection in the mailbox. We get knocked down. Then we stand, dust ourselves off, and get right back to work.

    You have every right to be proud, Ang. And we are so proud of you.

    BTW, I love it when people stare at me in disbelief and go, "You're a grandma? No way!" Ah yes, it's the simple things in life that we enjoy most :-D

  3. Angie,

    I'm ready to hear all about when I see you in Sept. Can't wait!

  4. Great Post, Angie!

    But do you remember, when you were called and decided to be in the pagent, you wondered from the beginning what God had in store.

    You didn't win the crown, but you were awarded 4th and a title signifying your place in the community and awarding you for all you'd done. You are a winner, by and by.


  5. Thank you, gals! Your words are balm to my spirit! I am so appreciative of the kind things you say and the uplifting manner of support you give me.

    I can't tell you enough, thank you.

  6. Angie,
    What an inspiring post. And I have to admit I just knew you were going to win. I just knew it. I had this feeling. And I too wa disappointed when you didn't. But then, you posted that you won the Crowning Touch award and I thought...that's what Angie is all about. Serving her communinity. What an honor, Ang. You did what your heart knows to do. I think you're the big winner after all. And know matter what you have now established yourself as the official Mrs. F.A.I.T.H. girl!