Saturday, August 16, 2008

Living with What We Can't Change

We are fighting a roller coaster of emotions right now. My father-in-law has a tear in his aorta and they don't want to do surgery right now because they don't think he will survive it. His lungs are operating at 50% capacity and the radiation seeds are still fighting the cancer. At any time the tear could burst by ripping through the rest of the lining of the wall.

How do you go on with life as usual when you know time is limited with a loved one? It makes you want to stop and spend as much time with them as possible--to savor every moment. Yet, that isn't realistic. Bills still have to be paid and you still have to go to work--no matter what. So you keep going--pretending that everything is normal--when nothing is normal. Nothing at all.

I keep telling myself that when the time comes he will go home to a much better place. And all the good stuff that Christians are supposed to remember during times like these. The good news is that these reminders do help, and the Scriptures like a healing salve. But the grief of separation starts to set in and weighs on the heart. A loss is a loss. Separation is separation, even if only temporary.

This must be how God felt, when we chose to fall into sin and separated ourselves from Him. I understand God's grief for us, that not one shall perish, but all shall have everlasting life. That is His WILL for us.


  1. Jenn, I'm sorry they still can't do surgery. I'll keep praying for your family.


  2. I'm sorry for all that's going on in your life. It seems with good things, comes bad things - and they are things we don't understand.

    I've never thought of God feeling that loss for us as you mentioned. But you're right. God hates sin and when we sinned, it separated us. I'm sorry for what's going on in your life, but I appreciate you sharing as it helped me find a deeper understanding for my own life.