Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Have you ever had to set love free?



I've watched a loved one be wrenched away in misunderstanding, intentionally caused by someone else's mischief. And I prayed in confusion.

I've watched a child grow and rebel. The shredding sound itching my teeth as my heart rends. I remember opening my fingers symbolically to release my child too soon. Even in that symbolic motion, I had to pry them from a clenched fist as an invisible assailant strangled my throat. Tears could not run in rivers down my cheeks. They'd dance across the rocks and turn to steam like I'd tossed droplets onto a pancake griddle. And I prayed in frustration.

I've stood and watched down the proverbial road as the Biblical father did of his prodigal son. I've felt the loss and the constant hope as my eyes burned and blinked and focused on the horizon, focused on the maybe, focused on the wish. And I prayed with intensity.

I've felt the disappointment to think the shadow in the distance is the one I waited for- and it wasn't. A mirage waved and shifted in the heat of my pain almost as fluid as my emotions. And I prayed in anger.

Then miraculously one day, I stood amazed in an unexpected appearance. The exultation mixed with ironic disbelief and tinged by the fear of another apparition. And I prayed in terror.

Was this real? Could I trust it? And I prayed in my unbelief.

That is the work of returning love.

I pray for guidance.

Love releases, waits, watches, hopes, endures and forgives. Love works hard through hard times. Love unclenches the vice grip because the freedom to choose proves love exists more thoroughly than any control or manipulation or puppeteering.

I've set love free and it returned without force. I have no fear that it is true love because it is freely returned. I can do nothing to force it to stay. That is the work of trust.

I pray in thanksgiving regardless of the outcome.

I ask again, have you ever set love free and watched for its return?

Angie
Come pray with me for Australia today at God Uses Broken Vessels.

4 comments:

  1. Angie, that is absolute beautiful!

    L. Diane Wolfe
    www.circleoffriendsbooks.blogspot.com
    www.spunkonastick.net
    www.thecircleoffriends.net

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  2. Thanks Diane. Sometimes I like to write a different view of a common topic. I felt like a lot of people are so sad as different holidays come and go and they are in pain. We held a Blue Christmas service to honor people who were sad and had lost loved ones and so don't feel the happy, joyous holiday that seems to go on around them.

    For people who have lost loves, Valentine's is just as hard. This is in honor of those.
    Angie

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  3. How beautiful, Angie. Thank you so much for sharing you wonderful poetry.

    Missy

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  4. Oh, I hadn't thought about it being poetry.
    Thank you, Missy.
    Angie

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