Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Ever wonder if you're on the right track?

I sure do. I wonder daily right now. All the plans seem to be side-stepping into another direction. I'm a bit stunned at how different my world looks than what I thought it would by this time say 1 year ago or 5 years ago.

I woke up this morning in wonder. What now? What next? Um, how? I'm not sure I'm hearing you correctly. Could you speak a little louder and a little plainer, Lord?

Just when I think I'm getting a clue, it turns out to be a red herring.

I look forward to that day when I can see through the mirror and the view is unobstructed. I want with all my heart to understand what God's plan is and the steps to achieve it.

I'm an over-achiever. That seems to be my bane at this point. It seems I'm being asked to stop, wait and...huh? No, no, I didn't get that...Could you speak a little plainer, Lord? I'm sure I turned left when you said to go right at that last turn. It feels like I'm supposed to turn around and go back but I'm on a squirrely one lane road with no exit.

Ever feel like that?

I read Exodus 4:12 this morning. "Now go! When you speak, I will be with you and give you the words to say."

And do you know what I said? "Go where?"

It isn't that I lack faith or hearing or desire to "Go!" Somehow, I missed the map. I have a feeling that is part of the journey too. Seriously, what makes me any different than the Israelites?

Mmm, the wilderness is kind of scary and He's asking, "Do you trust me?"

I sit in my office today pondering the shapes on the wallboard under the paint. I'm nodding. No sound comes out. I trust You, Lord, help me in my distrust.

Angie
PS
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2 comments:

  1. Angie,

    I think that sometimes we may actually be on the right road. But God's timing isn't always the same as our time. Maybe you just need to keep following where you think He's leading--but realize that the road may be longer than you thought.

    When I started my journey to publishing, I set a goal to sell in 5 years. Ha! Like I could actually make that a goal. I should have known better. (I don't have a bit of control over that so should never have made it a goal.) So my 5-year road ended up being a 10+ year road. Twice as long as I had hoped! And I nearly gave up and changed roads serveral times during that period.

    I guess sometimes we just don't know for sure. We do the best we can and keep plugging away, trying to have faith that God will help us get to where He wants us to be.

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  2. Yes, the waiting can be frustrating. It's so easy to think, "Ah yes, God is leading me here for this." And then when things don't go the way we thought they would we wonder what we missed or if we misunderstood God.

    I've had lots of setbacks to my goals in the past year. Some things made absolutely no sense. Yet I have to keep reminding myself that God is in control and His timing is not my timing. His ways are not my ways. But I will continue to follow and wait. Better is one day in His courts than thousands elsewhere.

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