Monday, September 14, 2009

In The Beginning. . . . .

Now that I've finished my manuscript I'm starting to revise. One thing I knew I needed to really work on was the opening line(s). They were okay. But nothing that grabbed.

My hubby built this really great pond. So I took my notebook and sat in a rocker by the pond and started reworking the opening two paragraphs. Yuk!
Nothing.
I sat.
I wrote.
Nothing. Well, something, but nothing different or exciting.

So I had an idea.

I LOVE writing in first person. I've written two books in first person and it's my favorite way to write. And that's what I did.

Here are the paragraphs as they were:

Kyla Stewart leaned against her car and stared at the upper stories of the house she hadn’t seen in twenty years. Same green shutters, same white paint. Same flowered curtains showed through the windows. It had looked a whole lot bigger when she was eight.
Uncrossing her arms and shaking her head she realized nothing had changed in Carnation, Georgia. Home of hot summers, red clay and secrets.


So I started writing in first person:

I leaned against my luxurious new ride and I stared at the house I hadn't seen in twenty years. Driven by a sense of duty, a sense of caring, a sense of....who am I kidding? i came here to uncover a secret. A secret that changed my life forever.

Okay...there's something a little more intriguing. So I switched it to third person and here's how my book is starting now:

Kyla Stewart leaned against her luxury car and stared at the upper stories of the house she hadn’t seen in twenty years. Driven by a sense of duty, a sense of caring and a sense of . . . .
Who was she kidding?
Kyla came back to Carnation, Georgia, home of hot summers and red clay to uncover a secret.
A secret that had changed her life forever.
The same green shutters and white paint showcased the flowered curtains that had peeked through the windows years ago. But it had looked a whole lot bigger when she was eight.



Now I know that it still could use some work, but I like the new beginning a lot better than the old one. How about you?

What tricks do you come up with when you know something can be improved but you just can't seem to hone in on something better? I know my revisions aren't going to be easy, but they'll make the book better.

To everyone going to the ACFW conference this year---have a great time, good luck with all those appointments and most of all be inspired to write, write, write.

8 comments:

  1. I never thought of doing that 1st person trick, but I love it. Thanks for passing it along, Bellinda!

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  2. I wrote in the third person and a writer friend suggested writing in the first. It worked. Like your story. Want to read more. Sarah

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  3. I could never write a book, there is so much involved, but each of us have our own special talent God gave us.


    mamat2730(at)charter(dot)net

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  4. Eileen,

    Writing in first person gets me really into the character. There's just something really fun about it.

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  5. Sarah...don't you love it when something like that comes together? Thanks for saying you'd like to read more.

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  6. Edna,

    God did give us all our own gifts and such. Don't ask me to put together any sort of craft...please!! I'm horrible at that. Oh, and singing, too!

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  7. Lindi,
    Your trick really worked! I want to read more too :)

    Christy

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