Saturday, March 13, 2010

I Lost My Prayer Journal

Jenn here.

A couple of years ago I began a prayer journal. I wrote down long-term prayers over a lifetime. I had three main sections:

1) My Relationship with God
2) My Family
3) My Writing Career

These were BIG prayers--the kind that I knew wouldn't be answered overnight, but would eventually be answered. After a year, I realized there were more prayers that needed to be added, especially for my daughter's life and the things I wanted to see God accomplish in her life and her to accomplish with His help. I felt led to do this after listening to a sermon from Joyce Meyers.

These prayers kept me focused on the BIG picture. They helped me not to get so caught up in the tiny details of my life in the here and now--especially in the issues I would like to have solved NOW. Somehow this prayer journal gave me peace and hope. Reading it aloud each day or week to myself and God built my faith. One of the things I remember Joyce saying about a prayer journal is that "you're going to go back and read it ten years from now and see all the blessings God has been faithful to pour into your life."

I lost my prayer journal sometime this year. Before that I had stopped reading it. My excuses were always two things: 1) Too Tired 2) No Time.

Once I gave into those excuses long enough, then I began to think, "well, none of those prayers are likely to be answered today anyway." Impatience set in and took root--once again. If you spend any time around me, you'll learn that impatiences has been a lifelong thorn in my side. Paul had his thorn and I've got mine.

Then came the thought, "I've already prayed those things so many times, God already knows what is in my heart. He knows my heart's desire. How many times can I pray the same thing? How many different ways can I say the same thing?" Doubt began to creep in. And soon I wasn't praying for those things at all.

Yesterday I finally had a melt down. I had a heart-to-heart with God and my husband--in fact, 2 heart-to-hearts with my hubby, bless his heart. My daughter's teacher was convinced I was mad at her, and I was close to letting my boss have it. I did my best to force a smile and stay away from anyone I might blow up at.

When my daughter's teacher asked her if I was mad at her, my sweet girl responded, "My mom is mad at everybody right now." It was the first thing that made me smile yesterday. Only a child can state it like it really is. And she was right, I was mad at the whole world. Frustrated. Tired. Weary. Not getting anywhere fast enough. Angry. And I wanted someone to "fix" everything for me. I wanted God or my hubby to ride in on a horse like a knight in shining armor and deliver me from this burden I've been carrying.

But this morning I passed through my husband's office to make the coffee and warm my pastry and I saw my Prayer Journal--the one that has been lost to me for months. I sat in the floor, right there, read through it and began to cry. Joyce said it would be ten years, but it has been TWO! Some of those prayers for my daughter's special needs have been fulfilled. I've gone from no contracted books to two contracted books. I've seen the salvation of one of my family members (a cousin) that I had begun to wonder if I would ever see.

Reading those prayers again, gave me renewed hope, strength, and faith. I needed my Prayer Journal back and God knew that. I don't know why things happen the way they do, but I'm reminded that He hasn't forsaken me. And I know in my heart that the words He whispered to my heart this morning are a PROMISE of blessings to come.

7 comments:

  1. Jenn,
    This brought tears to my eyes. God is faithful and true. When we falter and slide away from things regarding Him, He is ever faithful.

    Praise God!

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  2. Me, too, Lindi! I'm sitting here crying.

    Thank you, Jenn, for saring that! Isn't God's timing amazing?

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  3. No dry eyes here either. I think God had you see that prayer journal today as an answer to some recent prayers:-) He WILL give you rest.

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  4. Jenn,
    Thanks for such a great post. You made me remember that I used to keep a prayer journal - I even taught a class on keeping a prayer journal - but I've totally gotten out of the habit. I'm going to my cabinet right now, pull an empty journal out and start praying.

    Thanks,
    Edwina

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  5. Awesome post Jenn! I appreciate you sharing this part of your journey.

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  6. Isn't it exciting when God does ride in like a knight in shining armor and deliver us. It sounds like he saved that prayer journal for the time you needed it most.

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