Thursday, October 28, 2010

Just for Fun: Church Bulletin Bloopers

I saw some funny print ad mistakes on a website yesterday. And it reminded me of all the emails I've gotten over the years with church bulletin bloopers. So I decided to search for some and share. I got these from http://www.bible-reading.com/bulletin.html.  Enjoy! :)

Missy

  • Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
  • The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
  • Evening massage - 6 p.m.
  • The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
  • The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
  • Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
  • Ushers will eat latecomers.
  • The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
  • For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
  • The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
  • The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
  • During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
  • Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
  • Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
  • Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
  • The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
  • Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
  • The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
  • The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
  • 22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.
  • A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
  • Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.
  • Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?"
  • Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett
  • Hymn 47: "Hark! an awful voice is sounding"
  • On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better.
  • Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
  • Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
  • The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
  • Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

9 comments:

  1. I love those things. Churches really should have editors for their bulletins. Then again, we wouldn't get to chuckle if they did.

    Go Rangers! :-)

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  2. LOL!!! As someone who used to TYPE church bulletins, these kinds of things always give me a laugh! I hate to think of the bloopers I may have been guilty of!

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  3. Well, I found some of the best ones after I had already posted. I just get such a kick out of them! :)

    Myra, I sure hope you never had any this bad! :)

    Ummm.... Mindy.....
    GO GIANTS!! :)

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  4. I needed those laughs today. Thanks.

    Myra, I used to type weekly bulletins too so I understand you're entertainment with these.

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  5. Oh, this is too funny.

    This weekend we were headed to pick out a pumpkin. We drove through Dawsonville on our way and near the middle of town is the Grace Presbyterian church. Their sign was advertising the Moonshine Festival that was going on that day. You could park at the church....

    Somehow, that just didn't fit, Church + Moonshine... hmmm....? but it made me laugh too!

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  6. These are funny! Thanks for sharing.

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  7. Hey, Dianna. Yes, that could be risky if you're not careful.

    Christy, that's so funny! :)

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