Sunday, November 14, 2010

Push Back

Christy here, and recently, I made a new discovery.... On the tail of three rejections in one month - not all writing related, mind you, I realized these rejections had not detained me, but liberated me.

Imagine me running through a field of poppies... bare feet, arms spread wide...

I ran free for a while, smiling and giddy. I'd run straight through this, I  yelled, I'd come out on top ~~~

Then, I slammed hard -- into a brick wall.

Hurt, I pushed back. My gaze traveled up this huge, towering wall.... I have to get beyond it, I told myself. Some how, I have to overcome it. How?

My question was left unanswered...

He heard me all right, but it was as if He'd sat back in his big easy chair and crossed His Almighty arms across His chest. I could almost feel the rush of air as He sighed. Is that a smirk He's wearing?

Could the Almighty smirk?

You see, a while back, I became too busy to just talk to God.  Oh, I'd sing to Him. Sing loud in the car to my favorite Christian radio station. My form of worship. I'd sing about Amazing Grace(Chris Tomlin's version)... How Great Is Our God(Another Chris Tomlin)... Give Me Your Eyes for Just One Second (Brandon Heath's hit song)...

I'd sing how I was "One tear in the driving rain, one voice in a sea of pain... would the maker of the storm, hear the sound of my breaking heart?"(that's Tenth Avenue North's Hold My Heart...)

And while our Lord may have appreciated my loud vocals, I believe He was waiting for me to finally get still.

He was waiting for me to come back to Him, to open my hands wide... 

He was waiting for me to sit down and allow my eyes to travel up this huge wall and finally, ask Him for guidance.

This is where I am. I've pushed back from the wall and I'm gazing up at it... I'm asking for guidance, because this wall is looming over me and seems impossible. I'm not fit for this journey, Lord. It'll make me do things that I don't want to do. It'll make me dig deep. It'll make me question every inch of who I am. Who You made me to be.

But while I'm whining,  I remember Who is in charge. And then, I look around and I realize, this may be His will. He may have placed unlikely beings in my path to humble and help me...

Is this my idea, Lord? Or is it Yours? Can I achieve it?

All things are possible through Christ who strengthens me...

What about you? Have you faced a wall lately? Are you gonna climb, or turn tail to run?

11 comments:

  1. Christy,
    There are so many times I feel just like you describe in your post. And you described it well!! I've faced a couple of walls and last Sunday night my hubby and I opened the Bible and started reading. When we read what the scripture says at least that's a start. Not that everything will be all "better" but I feel like I've grounded myself in God and I can go from there.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Long time, no hear, ladies. Been fighting colds, sinuses, and ear infections. Trying to get back into the swing of things.

    Walls, you ask? Sometimes I feel like I'm locked up in a fort! Surrounded by HUGE walls. When I feel this way, face disappointment, discouragement, depression, I do remind myself that everything will come together in His time. Not mine.

    His plan. Not mine.

    His glory. Not mine.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks Lindi & Dianna. Lindi's right, scripture is the first place to go which is where I'm headed.

    Dianna, maybe I ran into your fort.... hmmm.....?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Christy,

    I think you've been spying on me. Since coming back from conference, it's been wall after wall after wall.
    Thanks for your honest, encouraging report.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I really treasure the understanding and support of all who write/read this blog. This is a place where we can lay it all out--truly---and receive encouragement.
    Thanks to everyone!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dianna, I hope you're feeling better.

    Edwina, I pray your walls of obstacles come crumbling down and God gives you clear direction.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Christy, I've had my share of walls. Sometimes the walls do crumble before us. Other times we need to dig a hole underneath and crawl through it and be creative. Still, other times we need to step back and re-evaluate. Maybe if you walk the length of the wall, you might find a door or open gate someplace else in the wall. By the time you walk the length of it, you might have passed the perfect timing to go through it. Great post.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Lindi,

    I agree. I love how we are able to lay it out on the table on this blog.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Edwina, I'll pray for you, that you can get past your walls as well.

    Thank you Jenn for your advice. I like the idea of digging and crawling under...

    ReplyDelete
  10. Great post, Christy. I hit walls, but I'm just stubborn enough to keep at it. (Sometimes battering myself against it, sometimes digging out, sometimes trusting more fully for God's perfect timing...)

    For some reason I never quit. I envision this little kid sticking her tongue out, chanting, "You quitter, you." And I just can't tolerate that taunting! LOL

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thanks Missy!

    I'm not quitting either. The thought never even occurred to me. What I wonder about are the paths I am following, or if what I am writing or the ideas I have are God given or of my own accord. I'm hoping God has His hand in my more recent ideas.

    ReplyDelete