Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Red Flag Reasons Not to Marry part 3

Angie here: Well matched or not? Today is part 3 in Red Flag Reasons Not to Marry. If you missed Red Flag Reasons part 1 click here  or Red Flag Reasons part 2 click here.

Do you need rescue?  You might if...

12. Ex still involved: Is your intended still on friendly terms with their ex? That's great...unless the ex is continually involved in daily life and decisions.

Why? If the ex's opinion trumps yours, run! If the ex calls, visits, or feels a sense of entitlement then you are going to feel second class. Unfortunately if this continues, you will always be second in a relationship. When children are involved the ex remains connected, but they should never have any say in the working/running of your home, rules, and finances. The interference is not only disrespectful, but often used to divide and conquer. The ex behaves as if they have the rights and you have none.

13. Criticism: Sarcastic cut-downs, negative jokes, constant correction all must be stopped the first time. Building disrespectful behavior destroys relationships. A joke at your expense in public is never appropriate.

Why? Self-esteem disappears, distrust appears. When loved ones continuously nit-pick and degrade each other, both parties begin to feel resentment and distrust. This behavior sets up a pattern of emotional hurt. These marriages seem to head for divorce fast.

14. Different religions: Surprise! Being equally yoked works for any religion or belief system.

Why? If two people have the same belief system, it lessens conflict. The same belief system has been the subject of marriage studies like Prepare and Enrich, a premarital preparation and counseling test. The closer a couple's world view, the more likely their marriage is to succeed.

The Bible verse where this concept is found: 2 Corinthians 6: 4 "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" Don't pigeon-hole this verse to apply only to Christians.  It applies to everyone.

Then what happens if one becomes a believer? 1st Corinthians 7: 12-13 has the answer. "To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him."

15. Privacy issues: Are your journals, phone calls, emails, conversations, personal hygiene/clothing, and personal space respected? Or are you under constant surveillance? Is your clothing inspected for suspect scents? Can you close doors between you without a battle?

Why? This is a psychological weapon as well as a major red flag for someone who is obsessive. Often this kind of partner has their own deep secrets and so suspects "everyone" has secrets. Someone who will not respect your privacy can be very dangerous. Think stalker.

16. Secrecy: Something just doesn't feel right because your beau won't share details, acts "put upon" when common topics come up, goes to extra lengths to protect their privacy when it's not threatened, conversations stop regularly, has locks on certain doors/drawers/files, clams up in normal conversation.

Why? These folks have an extra helping of either paranoia or sinfulness. Neither makes a good mate. They make great fighters though. You'll be fighting about everything because someone with a secretive personality doesn't want to share and interact. They often have major relational issues.

What Red Flags would you warn a friend about?


Would you consider this topic book worthy? I'm considering it. What do you think?


  1. Ang,
    These are red flags that one should tell their friends about. Looking back I've been in relationships with guys who exhibited this behavior.

    I think it would be a great book. Maybe some of my friends would have bought it for me when I needed it.

  2. These are extremely helpful and, if people will listen, can go far in preventing future heartbreak or even shipwreck. Dig in and write the book! Lord knows we need relationship advice nowadays. As a happily married wife (22 yrs) these issues were the reasons prior relationships didn't work out. Preach it, sistahs!

    Chana Keefer author of THE FALL (Rapha Chronicles #1)

  3. Thank you, Chana! I'm thinking I will write it :) now for planning.