Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Abdicating Valentine's Day

Angie here:
Is it awful to be someone who really doesn't like Valentine's Day?
I admit to being a Valentine's Scrooge.
Funny for a romance writer to admit, isn't it?

But to be fully transparent, I love romance. I just don't like forced romance. I happen to have a very romantic fellow for a hubby. He does things all year round that makes me feel loved. So this year I asked him if we could just ignore the trumped up holiday. We both work. We both have a really stressful week going on. The day falls on a day I work late into the evening.

To me romance isn't something you do on a day because everyone else is doing it. In fact, we have tried to go to dinner. But the restaurants are so busy, they are noisy and waitstaff tries to push everyone out the door to seat the next in line for service. Romance can be quick, but not when it's perfunctory and rushed.

So then we tried just staying home and having a romantic meal. You guessed it. The phone rang all night, the kids needed something, and the world didn't seem to think it should stop intruding.

Year after year it seems this one day is somehow not quite up to expectation. Valentine's Day has too much expectation assigned to it. Finally I asked myself, why am I trying to force a set time and place that doesn't fit my life or my expectations for what romance means to me? Eye-opener!

There you have it. I am abdicating from Valentine's Day. No more expectations for THE perfect romantic moment because someone else says it should be that way. I'm abdicating from Valentine's Day in search of those special moments that catch me by surprise instead. The moments when my hubby's eyes crinkle in a genuine smile that takes my breath away because he's smiling at me. The moments when he scoops me up in a surprise kiss in the kitchen. The moments when we sneak away from the world to be together.

I'm abdicating from Valentine's Day to celebrate love year round without the pressure of commercials, public expectation, and noisy dinners in crowded restaurants. Flowers and chocolates are okay, I like chocolate. But I really like his smile and attention much more.

Oh, and those roses in the picture? Those were so romantic because they weren't on Valentine's Day.
Those roses were on the day I didn't win an award I really wanted. He told me I'd won in his heart. Aw, I melted.

What do you think about Valentine's Day?


  1. “If this be heresy, so be it.”

    The same arguments against Valentine’s Day can be made even more so against Christmas Day. “There’s nothing right or wrong but thinking makes it so.”

    With both these holidays it’s important not to confuse the form with the substance. Both are times to stop, reflect, take inventory, recharge our emotional batteries, and step into the future a better person.

    Yes, Virginia, there is a substance to Valentine’s Day that radiates far brighter than the trappings. Celebrate the substance. Celebrate the love given all year in an annual tribute of the soul.

    Viva Valentine’s Day!

  2. Amen to your post Angela! As an almost 50 single woman, there's a lot a pressure with this day. To me, spontaneous expressions mean so much more. They don't leave you wondering if the expression is "just because" it's a holiday.

    One way to avoid the pressure with Valentine's Day and commercialized Christmas is to focus on others. Show love to someone who may feel forgotten or left out. Give to those who can't give back.

  3. Vince, it is good to remember, I think. Especially as the busyness of life gets in the way. It's also a good excuse for date night with hubby. :)

    But Angie, I totally get what your'e saying. There shouldn't be pressure to live up to some ideal.

    And Cynthia, that's a great point! Use the day to reach out to someone. Outward focus and gratitude are the solutions to a lot of our woes.